Random thoughts of VanGo...

We get asked a lot, “Does this ever get hard?” 

Our thoughts are usually something like, “Yes. Better question is, when does it get easy?” 

Driving around the country is not easy. Walking up to strangers is not easy. Loving on people who are satisfied with where they are is so far from easy.  At times we think, “Well, eventually it will get easier. We will come up with a system and everything will fall into place...easy.” 

Its been a year. 

We find ourselves with more questions than answers. The more we learn about the person of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that we are so far from having it all together. So far from knowing it all. So far from encompassing what it means to drop our nets and follow Him. There is still so much wisdom and knowledge to gain...

In our very first blog we talked about our desire to take off in our van and spread the name of Christ.  We said we wanted to flip this world upside down with the love of our savior.  

We have yet to flip anything upside down.  

Everything that has been flipped over or even budged in people’s lives has been done only through God. He has simply invited us to join him...to watch him...to stand in awe of the work that he has been doing for a very very long time...even before our creation. 

In “When Helping Hurts,” the author describes it as a “god-complex.” It’s when we feel like we can just burst into people’s lives with all the right tools to help them.  We think that if we pour enough of our money, our time, and our other resources into people’s lives then eventually they will be saved...and through it all, we get to feel better about how awesome we are for helping. We left as if we were something superior to the poor and needy. We left with the intentions of teaching them a thing or two....

We are in California now. Many states later. And we can honestly say that we have learned more from these “poor and needy” people than we could have ever have taught them.  Its not about walking up to somebody as if we are greater than them...as if we have the ability to fix their problems with our valuable gifts.  It is about walking beside them...knowing that we have just as much a need for God as they do...knowing that we are just as dependent upon Jesus as they are.  As the saying goes, “Christianity is just one beggar telling another beggar where the bread is.” 

Some people think that what we are doing is ineffective.  They would say that change is only possible in a person if you stick with them for years.  There are so many layers built up around people’s hearts from years of hurt and disappointment...there is no way that 2 random girls could knock them all down in just a few weeks.  Then again some would say that standing on a corner and proclaiming the name of God with hell-fire and brimstone is the best way too. The argument is so old...yet so hard to wrestle with after devoting our entire lives to this short-term traveling style. 

We met a girl last night who lived in China for 2 years.  She poured and poured and poured into these people and saw very little fruit. She said, “The darkness brings with it a sense of hopelessness.” During her last month in China a group from her American home church came to work alongside of her. 4 people got saved! She said she could not believe it.  She poured 2 years into the Chinese people and saw nothing...after only a few days of being with them, her church friends led them to Christ. 

Maybe there is not a set style of doing this thing. Maybe there is no formula. Maybe if there were, Jesus would have laid it out for us in Scripture. He would have said, “Short-term is better...” or “Long term is better.” Instead he says, “The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.” And maybe one is not better than the other. 

It would have been very easy for this girl to get frustrated with God...knowing that she poured so much into their lives...and never saw any fruit.  Just as sometimes it can get very frustrating for us.  It is our American way of thinking that much work should produce much fruit....for the one who did the work.  But Paul says, “God gives the growth.” Only God saves. We just get to play a role. And our work is not so that we can gain anything but so that Christ can be made famous (as he so deserves). Sometimes that is planting...sometimes that is watering...sometimes that is spending years doing something...sometimes that is spending a moment doing a good deed. But knowing that God uses the entire body and all of its uses for his much bigger purpose.  It is not our place to say what is better.  It is simply our job to be obedient to what God has called us each individually to do...trusting that our individual role will ultimately play a picture in the big scene. “But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” We rejoice in what God does through each part of the body...not comparing ourselves to one another...why should the ear say, “Well, Crap, I’m not a foot?” Why should the person that God has called to stay say, “Why can’t I be the one who goes?” Why should the person that is going say, “The one who stays sees more fruit?” We produce the fruit together. No one person does anything...”Lest any man should boast.” 

See, God used both the long term missionary in China and the short term people to accomplish his goal.  He plans it all out perfectly. It is him who does the work....we stand in awe. 

Does it get hard when we see little fruit? Yes. Does it get frustrating to trust that God has people both before and after us? Often. Does it bring us greater joy than anything this world has ever offered us....by far. by far. This is why Paul considered it pure joy to face trials...because he knew that in the end he would know that much more about God’s patient, enduring, loving character. No, it doesn’t get easy...but it remains fulfilling.  

Choose Life.

"I had 3 more weeks paid for at the motel, but I had to leave because the temptation to fall back into drugs and alcohol was too strong," our new friend Brian was telling us.

As his story unfolded we learned that he had been involved in a biker gang most of his life called Hell's Angels. He drenched his entire existence into alcohol and drugs...or "booze and pills" as he said. He is older now...and has a long list of people that he has hurt or abandoned. He has a lot of kids from a lot of different women. He said he always left them because he had to "take care of business," quoting it himself with his fingers.

Then God met him in his motel. He found himself broken before a holy God. All by himself in a dark, drug infested room, he asked Jesus to save him. He felt a peace and an assurance that he says he has never before experienced. Consequently, he fled from his temptation, despite the fact that he had nowhere else to go and no money to try and get anywhere even if he did.

That's where we met him. Sitting on the streets with not a friend around but his walker, staring at the traffic as it went by. After talking with him for awhile we learned that he desired to know more about God and we gave him a bible. We asked him to read the book of John first. We saw him a few days later with the biggest, toothless, grin on his face! He walked up to us, in all excitement, saying, "I read John! It is so good! It brought so much clarity to what I experienced in the motel that night!"

We met our friend General at a park. He was sitting by himself. After a short conversation we learned that he had been out on the streets for 5 years. He ended up there after the love of his life divorced him. He like John and Charles from Chattanooga stopped caring about life when the only one that he was living for disappeared. He fell apart. We have learned, and even read recently in "Same Kind of Different as Me," that if you are not doing drugs and drinking when you get to the streets, you will sure start once you get there.

Alcohol helps you sleep at night...keeps your body warm when you are cold. The mixture of that with drugs helps you forget about your lifestlye, your circumstances, and numbs your deep hurts. After talking with General for a couple hours about his life, our lives, and who God is throughout it all, we left and hoped to see him again soon.

The next day we read part of the book of John to him and watched as God showed up to him in a big way. His curiosity level about God rose as the hours went by. He began volunteering at churches and events on his own (with us and on his own). He prays with/ for his friends on the streets. He prays with/for us. He came to church with us for the few weeks that we were there. He wants to know God.

We watched both General and Brian fight to know more about God. But we also watched Satan pull them back down into the lifestyles that they know all too well. One afternoon we came by to pick up Brian only to find him intoxicated. It was the first time in 3 weeks that we had seen him drunk. He said that it is so hard on the streets to avoid it. Without it there is nothing to do but stare and wait to go back to the Mission for sleep. We came back the next day only to see the same thing. We could see his disappointment in himself as he sipped the bottle. He hated it. There was conviction all over his face...and the truth was fighting in his soul. His flesh was winning the battle every time he made the motion to move the bottle towards his mouth. At the same time we could see God all over him screaming, "I will never leave you or forsake you!"

We haven't seen him since that day. He disappeared. His time at the Mission to sleep is up (They get 30 days in and 15 out). So we know he is sleeping somewhere...we just can't seem to find him.

His spirit is so willing...but his flesh is weak.

General says, "I feel like I am on a fence...part of me wants to go be with God and part of me wants to keep drinking." He knows his addiction. He knows his deep need for God. He says, "I feel the different between being with God and being with my friends." He has tasted God and counts his meeting us as a miracle from God. We have told him over and over what it means to be saved and what it means to start a relationship with God. We have poured out our very lives...giving every ounce of our prayers on his behalf.  Numerous times we looked so hard through his hard layers and stared right into his soul as we reminded him that God wants to soften his heart and protect it. We watch him throw the possibility around in his heart and in his thoughts before he says, "Not yet."

The other day he reminded us, "I'm still praying about Jesus and all that." He really does mean it.  People say that General will never find Jesus. That he is too far gone.  He is the king around the streets.  We see otherwise.  Deep inside all of that hurt and disappointment lies a servant's heart.  He truly desires Christ.  But he has an addiction that his body needs to let go of. We have given him gentle love, tough love, and everything in between.  It is his turn to move...he needs to put action to his desire...and we can't do that for him.  He can't live for this world, drinking his life away AND live for Christ...who asks us to pick up our crosses in order to follow only him.

Again, his spirit is so willing but his flesh is so weak.

Both General and Brian can literally see death and life, blessing and curse sitting before them. They can taste and feel the difference. Let's join in prayer that they will choose life, that they and their families may live. Deuteronomy 30:19

We know a lot of the people who live and sleep out on Yosemite Ave. They are not surrounded by people who are fighting as hard as they want to fight.

We will be in continual contact and prayer for General and hopefully Brian. We do not think God is done with either of them. We believe that he has another person to come behind us to push them even closer to what they know is the truth.

Which we have no doubt in...

That is the beauty of the body. We were so loved by both Crosspoint and Hilmar church. They took us in and completed our mission to live out Luke 10 as they were the ones who fed us and housed us and took us in...without an ounce of doubt.

"And if a son of peace is there, your peace shall rest upon him;but if not it shall return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages." Luke 10:6-7

They were both houses of so so so much peace. So much love. SO much Jesus.

And with these churches, we can trust that God's work will be completed. He uses some to go and some to stay and together big things will happen in the lives of people like General and Brian. No doubt.
"I planted, Apollos watered, but God made it grow." 1 Cor 3:6

Poetry Man

Throughout our stay in Las Vegas we worked with Adventures in Mission and hung out with a youth from Fremont, CA. We did our best to lead them through the streets of the city.  We watched time and time again as each and every one of these youth stepped outside of their own, individual comfort zones and allowed God to use them...speaking light into the surrounding darkness.  We all worked alongside a ministry called Casa de Luz.  This ministry planted itself in the midst of a broken area in Las Vegas called the Naked City.  The Naked City is named after its notorious past...home of Las Vegas' showgirls.  It holds a reputation for drugs, prostitution, and gang fights.  Through the ministries insistent desire to see God fall, Naked City is changing rapidly. People are falling in love with the man of Jesus Christ.  They are exchanging their rags in for God's glory. We were told story after story of the triumphs.  The youth from Fremont were an intricate part of some of the outreach.  They walked up to doors every evening praying for people and pointing them in the direction of hope.  When they were not helping out Casa de Luz they were pouring into the homeless people throughout Las Vegas with the help of the Salvation Army. In the same way, they stepped out in all boldness and loved the people on the streets in a way that is inexpressible.  They not only shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with them, they shared their very lives. They treated the homeless and consequently overlooked and forgotten individuals of Las Vegas as people with hearts and feelings. They sat down on the curbs with their friends and cried and laughed with them.  They do it all because Jesus was first willing to sit down on our level and cry and laugh with us.  

People like the youth from Fremont, Chris from Casa de Luz, and Captain Jamenson at Salvation Army reminded us that the the work of God is not complete in this city.  We were reminded that nothing is too hard for God.  He will never, ever, ever leave or forsake the brokenness of Las Vegas. He is using these people to shine light throughout communities...and it is, and will continue to spread like wildfire.    

We met a man named Jackie Robinson.  People call him the Poetry Man.  He was a homeless man that is being used everyday by God.  

His story in short: He has struggled his entire life with retaining information.  He is not good and remembering things.  He went to jail for a little while.  While he was sitting in his cell he says God told him to write something down....so he wrote it on his cell wall.  It was his first ever poem.  A poem about God himself.  He realized his love for God and need for God.  Soon he realized that God had immediately given him the gift of memorizing his poetry.  He now has over a hundred poems....all of them are being retained in his memory.  He shared one of them with us.  

Did you see that homeless man as you passed him on the street?

 Or were you too busy to notice that he ain’t have no shoes upon his feet? 

And you probably didn’t notice the coat that he had hanging down to the ground. 

Was it a gift from long ago or was it something he had lost that he found? 

And you probably didn’t notice the scars that he had on his hands and face 

from cruel and uncaring people that can never be erased. 

As you kept on walking thinking only of yourself...

...a very brief though of homelessness 

but maybe thats a man that we probably should’ve helped.

 And as you kept on walking pass that church knowing that it was Jesus Christ that you were going to meet, 

did you remember too that he didn’t have no shoes upon his feet? 

He also wore the crown of thorns as he was nailed to the cross of calvary

 Did you hear his hunger as he cried out in pain?

 It was eternal life for you and I. 

Now thats something that we must gain.

Sin City- A Warning from the Rug.

We spent our last night with our group from California on a trail overlooking the city of Las Vegas. I admit it was tempting to stand in awe of the dazzling lights that filled the valley but it is death that we mistake for life. It is deceitful destruction that we mistake for beauty.

God reminded me of Abu, the precious little monkey from Aladdin. Aladdin and his best friend Abu were on a mission for one purpose...to retrieve the lamp. They were to take the lamp and nothing more but Abu marveled at the gold and riches that surrounded him. Once the right jewel caught his eye, his focus changed. He began pursuing what he wanted, "needed", and selfishly desired. As Abu reached for the jewel, Aladdin yelled with all his might, "ABU NOOO!" The rug rushed to restrain him from the destruction but it was too late. Abu turned his back on what he knew and who he loved and sought his own fulfillment. As soon as his hands touched what he was so sure would make him happy and complete, his world felt apart. What looked like precious gold and rubies quickly turned to consuming lava. Everything around him came crashing down. The beauty they walked through to get there became a dark cave with no way out. 

"The fruit for which your soul longed has gone from you, and all your delicacies and your splendors are lost to you, never to be found again!" -Rev. 18:14

After spending a week here in Las Vegas, this has become its' story and the team from Forerunner Christian spent their time being Aladdin and the rug. With their words, actions, and obedience, they cried out for the people of Las Vegas to turn away from the darkness and find life in Jesus Christ. This city feeds the world lies and tempts all who gaze upon it with its beauty. It lures people in with promises of riches, fulfillment, and satisfaction but only to expose the burning flames of destruction that lies underneath its' captivating lights. 

Las Vegas is indeed sin city. The industry here consists of casinos, bars, night clubs, strip clubs, and prostitution. The city thrives on debauchery and is leaving so many broken lives in its path of destruction. Captain Jameson from the salvation army told us of how so many people in the city came here seeking their "big break" and after pouring all they had into things that never gave back, they are now stuck here with no way out. It is a sad and solemn place here in the dessert. The night life goes on and the lights continue to shine. We watched planes go in circles around the city flying people in just as fast and they were flying them out. From the lookout point, we saw the city for what it really is...a prostitute- promising so much but taking more than it will ever give.

"Come, I will show you the judgement of the great prostitute who is seated on many waters, with whom the kings of the earth have committed sexual immortality, and with the wine of whose sexual immorality the dwellers on earth have become drunk...I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was full of blasphemous names and it had seven heads and ten horns. The woman was arrayed in purple scarlet, and adorned with gold and jewels and pearls, holding in her hand a golden cup full of abominations and the impurities of her sexual immorality. And on her forehead was written a name of mystery: "Babylon the great, mother of prostitutes and of earth's abominations. And I saw a woman drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of the martyrs of Jesus. When I saw her,  marveled greatly. But the angel said to me, 'Why do you marvel?" -Rev. 17:1-7

Ketchup.

Last week we shadowed an AIM trip in Denver and guided about 43 students from Minnesota around the city. The kids were exposed to a variety of different ministries and outreaches throughout the week. We served at food banks, worked with service projects, put on VBS, and spent time at the local skatepark. During our debriefing time, the students revealed what God was doing in and through them that week.

Some learned what it meant to work whole heartedly for the Lord at the service projects and food banks.

Others found the fruit in praying, listening, and obeying the Holy Spirit while at the skatepark. 

Many found joy in loving children as Jesus did through the VBS.

Once upon a time we drove into the grand canyon at night and missed all the scenery. When we woke up the next morning, it was pouring down rain. It was a good first time experience of the great grand canyon. We did manage to see some incredible views via bus shuttles despite the weather.

Our second day there, we woke up at 4:40 a.m., walked to a lookout point, and watched God start the day with a beautiful sunrise. That morning we took a 3 hour descending hike below the rim and captured pictures of it all. Unfortunately, pictures do not do justice for God's glorious creation.....and it is a good thing because we dropped our camera into the depths of the canyon- oops.

Title We Cant Think Of.

I went to bed a week ago full of questions that led to confusions and doubts that led to slow falling tears.  Our van was broken down and consequently we had to spend the week stranded away from the people that God had recently broken our hearts for. I fought over different ways that we could show them/ tell them the truth about their maker.  I felt all of the weight of their salvation upon my shoulders.  I was physically tired from seeing the distance between God and his children...yet I couldn't fall asleep.  Anxiety filled my soul and God's answer seemed...so far away.

That night I had a dream.  I usually do not remember very many dreams but I remember this dream.  

I was running around Aamco (The transmission shop) asking everybody, "Why does this have to cost so much?" 

Everybody was laughing at me. They were making a mockery of my confusions and my lack of trust in them.  I was so stressed out throughout the whole course of the dream.

Eventually I found a corner and hid.  Jenna was sitting beside me hugging me as I cried out to God from the depths of my soul.  Then I heard a load voice full of authority say to me, 

          "Though the fig tree does not bud 

       and there are no grapes on the vines, 
       though the olive crop fails 
       and the fields produce no food, 
       though there are no sheep in the pen 
       and no cattle in the stalls, 
              yet I will rejoice in the LORD, 
       I will be joyful in God my Savior - Habakkuk 3."

I heard him say every word of that prayer from Habakkuk.  When I woke up the next morning, before my teeth were brushed, I opened my bible and checked to make sure.  God reminded me that there is joy to be had in him, under all circumstances.  Habakkuk saw the hurts in the worlds and wrestled with God for the entire book...yet God reminds him in the end that in the midst of a hurting and sometimes cruel world, we have to have trust.  We have to believe.  We have to know that He is faithful to complete his good works, according to his greater plans.   

        And Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi. 

        And on the way he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that I am?" 

        And they told him,"John the Baptist; and others say,Elijah; and others, one                     

        of the prophets." 

        And he asked them, "But who do you say that I am?" 

        Peter answered him, "You are the Christ." 

The people in Manitou are diverse.  Some said they hated Jesus.  Some said Jesus was a great prophet.  Some say he was just a great teacher.  Some say Jesus is one of the Christs or one of many gods.  

We say Jesus is THE CHRIST.  

Because he truly is our only Christ our only Messiah, we can rejoice in the midst of barren lands. We can lay our burdens down at his feet in trust.  

And He did.  By the end of the week, our van was fixed.  He provided money through friends, family, and people that we have never even met before.  We were able to go see our friends in Manitou again! Though they have not accepted that Jesus is the only way, God has reminded us so much of his power and his sovereignty that we can now go to bed at night, peacefully.   

(We're now in Denver preparing to shadow an AIM project for the next week)

        

Heavy Load to Bear

Our thoughts are everywhere right now.  But we will try our hardest to put them into sentences because we need you to understand...we need your prayers.

The Lord is so big.  He is so famous.  But there have been so many rumors spread about him that are not true.  People are confused in Manitou Springs, Colorado.

We walked the park earlier this week looking for people who needed to see his love.  God pulled us down towards the creek where we found a lady sitting on the rocks. Her back was facing us but we could see that she was holding a baby in her lap.  As we prayed over her, we could see that she was holding some feathers.  She was wiping the feathers over her baby's body.  Soon after she sat the feathers down, she started lifting her hands up as if she was worshipping.  Eventually, she started acting as though she was pulling something invisible from the air onto her head. God was pulling us towards her.  So Stacie went and sat with her while Jenna walked away and interceded.


Disclaimer: We will now try to explain the beliefs in Manitou Springs.  Please understand that what we write does not even come close to fully explaining who they are and what they live for.  We cannot put in a short blog the beliefs that these people spent years forming.  

The ladies name is Fairlight.  She said that she had just been meditating, trying to replace her negative energies with positive ones.  Fairlight does this through her imagination.  She pictures a light coming from the sky and then tries to pull it down into her head.  Along with the light she pictures and pulls down different colors...she says that all of the different colors mean different things.  She meditates on various quotes, some of which she hears at her church (Religion Science or something...).  The church reads from things like Quran, the bible, and book of Mormon and quotes people like Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Jesus.

Soon after we met Fairlight, we began to meet numerous other people who hang around the Manitou area.  Dillion, Josh, Ben, Steven, and Brooke.  They are all fans of this type of lifestyle.  The majority of Manitou is made up of shops that sell all natural foods, medicines, and various meditation accessories like incense.  The majority of the people smoke pot in the open and talk of other drugs that they do on the side.  However, they only choose the naturally made and grown...healthier drugs.  They hate everything conformist and try to live the simplest form of life.  They love each other and help each other at all costs because they say, God is love.  When we say God created the heavens and the earth...they say the "literal translation is..the gods created the heaven and the earth." When we say "Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life," they say, "Jesus is a way, a truth, and a good example of life."  When we say, "Jesus is the only one to ever rise from the dead," they say, "We all rise from our own metaphorical form of death when we choose good things..things that will better humanity." They fight to live in peace and harmony with one another, with mother earth, and with the God that we have within ourselves.  After a conversation with Josh he said, "Be warned, the people here hate Jesus."

The only belief in the community that seems to counteract with them all is called the Twelve Tribes.  They run a local shop that sells all natural teas and matas.  The women all wear long, very baggy dresses and the males all have beards and pony tails (that they call tie backs).  They try to imitate the disciples in Acts 2.  They share all of their belongings with one another.."Distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need."  In order to become a part of their community, you have to sign a covenant.  In order to leave the community, you condemn yourself to hell and lose everything that you had....including your job (because it was given to you from the community).  Their beliefs are thick.  They are filled with just enough truth to disguise the lies.  As Josh said, "Every lie is built up with just enough truth...or else people would not believe it."  Some people believe it. The rest call them a cult.  Regardless, this is the closest to thing to Christianity that they see and it is pushing the majority away.

Starting with Fairlight and ending with Josh, we exhausted ourselves listening to them rant and argue about their passionate beliefs while simultaneously trying to share with them the truth of Jesus.

Then our van broke. Transmission.

So we spent a sleepless night on the streets of Manitou. Our blankets and pillows were at Mallory's apartment in Colorado Springs.  We laid in the van, cold, lonely in our beliefs, and discouraged in our ability to spread the Gospel.

"...In toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure...And apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches." 2 Cor. 11: 27-28

We want them to know....we want them to taste and see that the the true Lord is so good.  But it seems that no matter what we say, they do not hear us.  It is a heavy load to bear...physically and spiritually.

Today we woke up and called for a tow truck who carried us to a mechanic.  We learned that it will cost anywhere between 800-2500 dollars to fix.  Depending on what they find.  Our van is barely worth that much these days.

We left the van with the mechanic asking if he would hold it for the weekend while we sought the Lord's guidance.

We are sitting at the McDonald's beside his shop.

Officially homeless.
Longing to break through to the people in Manitou, we can't even get to them now.

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.  For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but the the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16

We do not know what the Lord is doing right now...but we are fighting to keep our eyes focused on Him and His plans.  Please pray as we seek to learn what decisions we should make right now.  We could use them now more than ever.